Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts

It was the summer of 1986.  My family was the first black family to live on this street, in this "neck of the woods", since God knows when. One of the white families who neighbored us, came by and introduced themselves. They seemed friendly and I quickly made friends with their daughters. I even remember the fresh baked cookies they brought which my mother refused to let me eat. She did not trust strangers bearing gifts. Then one fine day someone left a particularly exciting gift... lit papers left flaming in the summer breeze alongside the ditch in front our house. 

Fast forward twenty-some odd years; this area (including the county as a whole) is more diverse. You'd think they'd be used to use by now. Yet in still, every now and again someone with ill intent, drives pass and deliberately throws their fast food wrappers/trash into my parent's lawn. A solemn reminder that "you're kind ain't welcome 'round here." Last month, during the night someone bashed in their new mailbox. That hadn't happened in years... but it too was nothing new. Racism is nothing new. In fact, it's and issue all Americans inevitably experience in their lifetime. It's better than it used to be but still lurks like a cancer, seeking anywhere it can infect society -- a constant reminder that some cannot stand to see others prospering. In their eyes you are less than human and hence do not deserve "certain inalienable rights".  

However, nothing could be further from the truth.  As far as my parents are concerned, they are good, hardworking people who have EARNED everything they own, don't judge a man by his roots but his deeds, and sought a wholesome community to prosper, raise, and educate their children within. To add insult to injury, my father is a disabled American veteran who fought for this country, survived the 60's, and paid his dues ten times over. Yet, small minded, narcissistic, sociopaths disrespect him simply because he was born black. He is a man with pride and stands tall. Each time he's repairs another vandalized mailbox he's says, "they'll never change."  

I understand his resolve, and it's times like these I reflect and wonder where society is headed. Is he right? Maybe I'm naive, but I wholeheartedly believe race relations will continue to get better in this country and abroad in spite a few neanderthals. Prejudices of any sort will never be eradicated but milestones have been made as mankind evolves.  Meanwhile, its the former that breaks and tests the heart as I seek reasons not to despise those who hate. God help. Some day race will not nearly matter as much as the content of one's character.  I once wrote a sentiment that I now return to, "many desire a life free of pain and persecution; yet if we are to truly live, it is to do so in spite of it."  In spite of these isolated incidences, they have no regrets as life here has been pleasant overall.  

Rants: Cosmos & Current Events

Venus transition - Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Unbeknownst to me Venus merrily skipped past our Sun...  

Unfortunately, I missed seeing this epic event (live). Worldwide this was highly anticipated and significant -- especially to astronomers -- as it was the last time Venus will make a cameo appearance in our lifetime. Likewise, astrologers and spiritualists found it just as significant. This is where it gets interesting. Outside of the realm of science, planet Venus is commonly viewed as the astronomical embodiment of all things feminine. Going further, it symbolizes the divine feminine or "goddess" of love, fertility, and communication. Whereas the Sun represents the divine masculine.
"Venus passed between the Earth and our Sun on June 8th, 2004, and initiated an eight-year cycle known as the “Venus Transits”.  The Venus Transits cycle is a rare celestial event that occurs every 113 – 130 years, when Venus eclipses the Sun two times – at the beginning and at the end of an eight-year period (Govinda)." 
Notably, the ancient Mayans perceived the second Venus transit as a milestone of sorts; indicating the coming of a new era, set to emerge... wait for it... wait for it... yep, you guessed it, 12-21-12. I'm sure you've already made the obvious connection between the Venus transit and The Age of Aquarius -- aka and often referred to as the "The Age of Enlightenment".  In the spirit realm, the first and second Venus transit(s) are profoundly significant as they signify "the return of the divine feminine", and in theory, "she" [feminine energy] has just awakened. What does all of this mean for us? Well, ultimately Venus transitions are meant to restore spiritual balance in the world.

According to this philosophy, the energy of the society has been out of sync (for lack of a better term) for quite some time -- for centuries the focus of mankind's affairs has been rooted in patriarchal societies, politics and dogma that show little respect for feminine wisdom (e.g. compassion, healing, nurture, transformation). In other words, too much masculine energy has tipped the scale; catalyzing naked aggression, fear, wars and injustices throughout history. Venus transit(s) are thought to rekindle the hearts' of man and put the our planetary family back in a right relationship. All in all, once the masculine and feminine energies are equally yoked, balance will be restored in the world. Admittedly, it all sounds like an elaborate fairy-tale but honestly, what doesn't?

Time will surely tell.

30 Years to Life

So, yesterday was eventful (Roger voice)...

My 31st  birthday! Much like a movie, the weekend started off slow (Friday), experienced melodrama in the middle (Saturday), topped off with a surprise (yet pleasant) ending (Sunday). I'll spare you the details LOL but for a second there I found myself coming down with another case of, "OMG! I'm in my 30's" blues -- the first time hit the hardest; turning 30. And so, there it was --- poignant, self-awareness induced anxiety rearing its ugly head over the weekend. I fought the major symptom -- frantically running to my room like a emotionally compromised teenage girl, plop on the bed and commence to do the ugly cry into a pillow, until someone knocks on my door and I scream, "Leave me ALONE!".  Hmm. I wonder how many years after turning 30 will I return to this horrific emotional state. OK. I'm dramatizing a bit but for some folks (typically us ladies), it's all too real. However, me? I'm able to pep talk myself while eating chocolate birthday cake rationalize through those feelings.  I suspect no mere humanoid becomes fully used to the realities of aging.  Yet, with each passing year we become all the more thankful and embrace it; as we take comfort in being alive (first and foremost), the love and companionship of old friendships/family, and the wisdom of our past experiences.  I'm looking forward to this year and (Lord willing) the ones ahead. They say it only gets better...and I will say, I'm certainly happier now at 31 than I was at 21!

Me Time

So my sister has called me three times today and I have not answered. My boyfriend has called a few times too. It’s not personal. I just don’t feel like talking. I went to the park and could not find a shaded area NOT occupied with people. I cannot go to my favorite chill spot Books-A-Million, crack open my laptop and use the Wi-Fi because my membership has ran out and I do not have a dime to my name. I am searching for my muse, for inspiration, for clarity and peace of mind.

Today is a beautiful Sunday but I am not content. I will not be content until I find space and time to be alone with my thoughts, until I find serenity, until I reclaim my thoughts. I am in my own world and OK… you may call me selfish but I know what I need today. I need me again. I don’t want to talk about makeup or the latest fashion at the mall. I don’t care to discuss trivial matters and chuckle over small talk. Today I woke up on the right side of the bed with my thoughts deeply pressed against the frontal lobe of my brain. I cannot ignore them, they sit on the tip of my conscience begging to be pushed over the edge into a sea of –  of what exactly? Yes. I don’t see the sea and it is bothering me.

I am perplexed with emotion; just having skimmed thru the latest issue of Essence magazine. I read about our beloved Michael Jackson. I learned about a half Italian and Black woman who won office in Italy. I applied a makeup sample offered within one of its pages. Amongst other things I am frustrated. I am frustrated at my finances, I'm mad that people aren't receiving proper healthcare, I'm pissed of that some jerk cut me in line, after reading Essence and watching FUSE videos, I realize that I actually resent the fact that Michael Jackson is dead. To add insult to injury, he was murdered by the same unethical doctoring (meds and mullah over morals) that has wound up killing countless others --- including my good friend's grandmother. She didn't need all that shit. At any rate, I feel robbed even; as if his untimely death was unfair towards himself but the rest of humanity. Like I wrote in, “Remembering Michael”, it felt as though we lost a hero. It's just so damned tragic. Sadly, it was simply his time I suppose...

OH boy, am I not very friendly right now… I am not approachable nor do I want to be approached. I am not happy. Last night I read thru decade old diary entries I wrote during my teens. Talk about clarifying... it helped refresh my memory as to who I am and why. I struggled with self-esteem, co-dependency, anger and social withdrawal. Ten years later I still struggle with these issues from time to time. At this very moment I do not want to be around anyone. I want to be completely alone yet that is not possible being that I live with my family. I don’t always want to be alone.

I am social most of the time but when I don’t want to be bothered I completely clam up and want my privacy to be respected. I suppose I need to tell my sister & others that when and if I don’t answer the phone it is on purpose and for a purpose. At least I could do is say so. It’s ironic… when I was younger I craved for attention; I wanted to be accepted and have others to talk to and want to talk to me. Yet, now that I am grown I do not let others too close to me, including my family. I have this private side to me that is all mines and absolutely no one is allowed. It is deep and I like to get lost in it from time to time. Perhaps, it’s time I found another outlet. I do believe it is time I draw & paint again. I feel an urge to release my passion or else emotions will consume me and I will brood as I am right now, more often than not. Trust me… I’m not always this heavy hearted. Sorry, if I’ve been passive & rude. I still love you.