INERTIA

So, I closed my eyes and saw a crossroad  

I felt paralyzed: don’t want to make the wrong decision. Death by indecision.

I hope to look back and smile

Seems miles away

I hear my father’s truck come roaring around the house like a lion

Like a rumbling, I hear wisdom when he speaks

Sometimes it’s hard to look him in the eyes

He has learned and earned

Yet, I cannot seem to stand on my own two feet

God bless the child who has his own…

On his land I took a seat

There is a promise every child must keep

With my head in my hand I weep

Father is strong yet I feel weak

Mother endures

They say 2012 is curtains

Either way I am certain someone will have regrets

I pray not I

I toil this earth with hope still

Though disappointments haunt me

…mind, body, and soul

I seek myself, wants, and needs

Courage, truth, and honor

I seek strength for my convictions

I seek to move mountains

Almighty where did I go wrong?

Hell, where did we go wrong?  You know... the propriety in society.

I yell HIS name from inside this temple

I am hurting it is just that simple

How long? Where do I belong? Can I be strong?

They say, you say…

In you is where we find peace

Well…

Maybe misery is my comfort

Maybe my heart is suicidal & rather pities me than face the challenge of being free

Maybe it’d rather suffer in silence than laugh out loud

Maybe it’d rather care than love

Maybe it’d rather live in idle motion than miraculously moving

Maybe it’d rather be damned

Human nature is a funny thing

Living and surviving on the cusp of time

From beginning to end our hearts know no bounds

As life takes us thru every up & down

“A smile is simply an upside down frown”

-surely the quote of a realist

Yet is it not true?

Our joys are simply the opposite end of sorrows

Still…

Hopefully tomorrow’s face will be right side up

Tired of feeling blue without so much as a clue of what to do…

This is a crossroad

In this vast field of ambiguity the devil is a scarecrow

My compass needs energy

GOD uplift me

I dream what now seems like the impossible…

To fly free like the Eagle

Enjoy grace like the Swan

Shadow the darkness like the Crow

Love like the Dove

And know no fear for the sake of clarity like the Owl

Lawd have mercy on my soul!

…With GOD’s mercy I shall someday rise like the Phoenix

My heart will find my guts

Nor will my eyes lie to my mind

One fine day I’ll be able to put my pride aside

Put my sins behind and live with no sense of time

Only a sense of purpose...

YOU'VE GOT MAIL!

MONGST THE JUNK YOU MAY FIND TREASURE... especially when it comes to email.  I recently had this incredible email forwarded to me from my sister yesterday....

Dr. Andrew M. Manis is  Associate Professor Of History at Macon State College in Georgia.  He Wrote This For An Editorial In The Macon Telegraph:

When Are WE Going to Get Over It?

For much of the last forty years, ever since America "fixed" its race problem in the Civil Rights and Voting Rights Acts, we white people have been impatient with African Americans who continued to blame race for their difficulties. Often we have heard whites ask, "When are African Americans finally going to get over it? Now I want to ask: "When are we White Americans going to get over our ridiculous obsession with skin color? Recent reports that "Election Spurs Hundreds' of Race Threats, Crimes" should frighten and infuriate every one of us. Having grown up in "Bombingham," Alabama in the 1960s, I remember overhearing an avalanche of comments about what many white classmates and their parents wanted to do to John and Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King. Eventually, as you may recall, in all three cases, someone decided to do more than "talk the talk."

MUSLIM TEEN SUES ABERCROMBIE & FITCH

Muslim Teen Sues Abercrombie & Fitch Over Head Scarf - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News - FOXNews.com

Posted using ShareThis

My Take:
Hmm… a tricky one. Now, I do agree that sueing has been exploited; “tit-for-tat-justice” has become an American tradition. Personally, I don’t believe she was discriminated against based upon her religion and/or race. However, it's not hard to imagine why she felt she was a victim of discrimination. Based upon the article, it seems she was not accepted for the job based upon the fact her overall individual character not being in sync with the company’s image. YET, this where it gets tricky; that basis alone within hiring processes is a recipe for corporate dishonesty. It dangerously borders discrimination.  Arguably, it is just that: indirect discrimination mascquerading as the company brand image.  The highly popular American couture retail line Ralph Lauren has also been cited by the EEOC.

This case is  either a long shot or will set a precedent.  I suspect this’ll be a hard sell (on her end) in the court room b/c despite that fact that everybody knows post 9/11 America has turned an xenophobic eye towards the Muslim community; fact remains that Abercrombie & Fitch has, is, and will surely always be a brand image geared towards the upper middle-class, “All-American”, Anglo-Saxon, Generation X-Y consumer market…. and a characteristically Muslim/Middle-eastern girl simply does not fit into that company's brand image.  Which reminds me of the term, “token black/indian/asian/gay/etc. guy or girl”.  Tricky situations like this is where this term derived from.  Apparently, some individual(s) are outside of the “norm” or tradition of an organization or group but are strategically placed there in order to appease a minority sector and by therefore achieving a politically correct image as well. It kills two birds with one stone and used as a clever marketing strategy.  For all intense purposes, target marketing is intrinsically biased by nature anyway; whether the intention is racist or otherwise.   Essentially, the manager in question was simply "doing their job" by complying with the norm.  Nonetheless, it doesn’t seem to be a right or wrong here, but a question of business principle and ethics...

How much influence should marketing have in corporate structure and at what cost?

ROXANNE'S REVENGE

Legendary rapper Roxanne Shante (born Lolita Shante Gooden), best known for her infamous single "Roxanne's Revenge", not only battled on the mic but against her former record label Warner Music. Two and a half decades after the young, rap diva was cheated out of her royalty checks she made the biggest come back of her life meanwhile setting an extraordinary precedent... 

"I'm an example that you can be a teenage mom, come from the projects, and be raised by a single parent, and YOU can still come out of it a doctor." 

Roxanne Shante first came into the rap game at the tender age of 14.  Unfortunately, that fact did not cut her any slack.  Her hit "Roxanne's Revenge" [an explicit dis against UTFO's hit 'Roxanne Roxanne'] was released in 1984.  In NYC alone the single sold 250,000 copies and made Shante hip hop's first female celebrity.  This accomplishment opened the door for female rappers to come such as MC Lyte, Yo-yo, Salt-N-Pepa, Queen Latifah, Lil' Kim and more.  Yet, she did not see the same success. "After two albums, Shante said, she was disillusioned by the sleazy music industry and swindled by her record company.  The teen mother, living in the Queensbridge Houses recalled how her life was shattered [Walter Dawkins, SPECIAL TO THE NEWS]." 

"Everybody was cheating with the contracts, stealing and telling lies; and to find out that I was just a commodity was heartbreaking."

All hope was not lost.  A then, 19-year old Shante remembered a certain clause within her Warner Music recording contract: the company would fund her education for life.  However, the multi-million dollar label commenced to give her the run-around.  "They kept stumbling over their words, and they didn't have an exact reason why they were telling me no", Shante said [Warner Dawkins, SPECIAL TO THE NEWS].  She continued to pursue the issue along with the help from her former Dean at Marymount Manhattan College, Marguerita Grecco.  "I told Dean Grecco that either I'm going to go here or go to the streets, so I need your help, Shante recalled. "She said, 'We're going to make them pay for this!' [Warner Dawkins, SPECIAL TO THE NEWS]  Grecco was relentless. She submitted all academic bills to Warner Music. Finally, the label surrendered to the terms of the contract and agreed to pay [but] only after Shante threatened to go public.  Winning the battle against the reluctant label she eventually went on to continue her education at Ivy League institution Cornell University. In 2001 she graduated with her Doctorate degree in Psychology.  Her total tuition cost hit the tune of $217,000.  Warner Music paid every cent.  Now 38, Dr. Roxanne Shante is an active member within the community.  Notably, she has put her own unique twist to her therapy services by incorporating [you guessed it] rap!  Through these "rap sessions", she encourages her clients to unleash their inner MC.  Reportedly, she claims this method gets people to shout out their frustrations which in turn allows them to vent what is on their mind(s). Go girl!

KUDO - Gooden offers $5K in college scholarships each semester to female rappers through the non-profit HIP HOP ASSOCIATION as well as gives advice to young women in the music busines via her Myspace: myspace.com/roxanneshante

Me Time

So my sister has called me three times today and I have not answered. My boyfriend has called a few times too. It’s not personal. I just don’t feel like talking. I went to the park and could not find a shaded area NOT occupied with people. I cannot go to my favorite chill spot Books-A-Million, crack open my laptop and use the Wi-Fi because my membership has ran out and I do not have a dime to my name. I am searching for my muse, for inspiration, for clarity and peace of mind.

Today is a beautiful Sunday but I am not content. I will not be content until I find space and time to be alone with my thoughts, until I find serenity, until I reclaim my thoughts. I am in my own world and OK… you may call me selfish but I know what I need today. I need me again. I don’t want to talk about makeup or the latest fashion at the mall. I don’t care to discuss trivial matters and chuckle over small talk. Today I woke up on the right side of the bed with my thoughts deeply pressed against the frontal lobe of my brain. I cannot ignore them, they sit on the tip of my conscience begging to be pushed over the edge into a sea of –  of what exactly? Yes. I don’t see the sea and it is bothering me.

I am perplexed with emotion; just having skimmed thru the latest issue of Essence magazine. I read about our beloved Michael Jackson. I learned about a half Italian and Black woman who won office in Italy. I applied a makeup sample offered within one of its pages. Amongst other things I am frustrated. I am frustrated at my finances, I'm mad that people aren't receiving proper healthcare, I'm pissed of that some jerk cut me in line, after reading Essence and watching FUSE videos, I realize that I actually resent the fact that Michael Jackson is dead. To add insult to injury, he was murdered by the same unethical doctoring (meds and mullah over morals) that has wound up killing countless others --- including my good friend's grandmother. She didn't need all that shit. At any rate, I feel robbed even; as if his untimely death was unfair towards himself but the rest of humanity. Like I wrote in, “Remembering Michael”, it felt as though we lost a hero. It's just so damned tragic. Sadly, it was simply his time I suppose...

OH boy, am I not very friendly right now… I am not approachable nor do I want to be approached. I am not happy. Last night I read thru decade old diary entries I wrote during my teens. Talk about clarifying... it helped refresh my memory as to who I am and why. I struggled with self-esteem, co-dependency, anger and social withdrawal. Ten years later I still struggle with these issues from time to time. At this very moment I do not want to be around anyone. I want to be completely alone yet that is not possible being that I live with my family. I don’t always want to be alone.

I am social most of the time but when I don’t want to be bothered I completely clam up and want my privacy to be respected. I suppose I need to tell my sister & others that when and if I don’t answer the phone it is on purpose and for a purpose. At least I could do is say so. It’s ironic… when I was younger I craved for attention; I wanted to be accepted and have others to talk to and want to talk to me. Yet, now that I am grown I do not let others too close to me, including my family. I have this private side to me that is all mines and absolutely no one is allowed. It is deep and I like to get lost in it from time to time. Perhaps, it’s time I found another outlet. I do believe it is time I draw & paint again. I feel an urge to release my passion or else emotions will consume me and I will brood as I am right now, more often than not. Trust me… I’m not always this heavy hearted. Sorry, if I’ve been passive & rude. I still love you.